


and the timing's never right

by atlantisairlock



Series: quiet nights poured over ice & tanqueray: shoot x halsey [10]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Groundhog Day, Not Really Character Death, POV Second Person, 中文翻译 | Translation in Chinese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Root dies, but not really, and The Machine is an asshole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and the timing's never right

**Author's Note:**

> the incredible R has done a translation of this fic into mandarin - which is actually my mother tongue but I truly suck at it so I'm totally in awe of anyone who can write coherently in mandarin, let alone translate an entire fanfic - and you should definitely go check it out [here](http://lengmengxuedingedemaor.lofter.com/post/1cb4ebae_b375803).

**DAY 1.**

You wake up in safety for the first time in a very, very long time - in your own bed, with Root lying beside you, some jazz tune playing softly on the bedside radio. For one brief second, everything feels safe, and you could be content, even happy, when she stirs and wakes and smiles at you. "Morning, sweetie."

She says that, looking at you, and it feels like nothing could possibly go wrong.  

How wrong you are. 

 

 

The world ends for you when John gets off the phone and shakes his head in your direction. Everything loses its vibrance in your archive of memory - finally seeing her again, her hand in yours, her stupid conversation about shapes. 

This is what you think: 

Root is dead.

You're never going to see her again. 

Root is - 

Root is  _dead -_

Root is dead. 

This, instead, is what you say:

"We need to get to Finch." 

 

 

Everything is a blur after that. You only barely register your head hitting the pillow in your loft five minutes before midnight, your eyes closing, and you all but beg for sleep to come quickly. 

It will still be the same tomorrow, this fucked-up world that's empty and incomplete without Root in it, but while you sleep, at least, it doesn't need to hurt. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 2.**

You wake up in safety for the very first time in a very, very long time - in your own bed, with Root lying beside you, some jazz tune playing softly on the bedside radio. For one brief second, everything feels safe, and you could be content, even happy, when she stirs and wakes and - 

and then you remember. 

"Morning, sweetie."

_Wait._

You shoot up in bed and instinctively reach for your gun, your mind unable to process the confusion amidst the sheer shock. 

No. No  _way._

Root is  _dead._

Root died yesterday, alone, in the hospital, as a result of gunshot wounds. Root  _died._ Root is  _dead._

But - 

The figure lying next to you loses her smile, and her brow furrows in concern. She reaches out to you, and you rear back, quite nearly going into panic mode. 

What the hell? What the  _hell?_ It's Root. That's Root, clear as day - you would recognise her anywhere. The radio is playing the same damn jazz tune as yesterday and that's  _Root._ Alive and kicking, nary a gunshot wound in sight. 

"Sameen?" She asks, tentative and confused, wrapping her hand around the barrel of your gun and easing it gently out of yours. "Sameen, what's wrong?"

"You're  _dead..."_

Her eyes flash with something akin to worry and bewilderment, and she gives herself a once-over. "No, I'm not. I'm right here. I'm here, Sameen." As if suddenly struck by understanding, she speaks quickly, urgently. "Did you have a nightmare about the simulations? Sameen, I promise, this is  _real._ It's real. I'm real, you're real, we're safe. You escaped Samaritan. You're  _home."_

But the doubt creeps into your mind anyway, and you feel the despair resurfacing. You were so sure, after that stunt Root pulled with the gun in the middle of the park, that you'd really escaped this time. No more simulations, no more Greer. But what other explanation can there be? 

You were so sure... 

And now the simulation's advanced itself. You don't know what Greer's trying to do, how he thinks that killing sim!Root would possibly get him closer to the Machine, but you're not letting it happen. Not again. 

"Aren't you tired of this crap?" You say out loud, addressing the Samaritan agents probably watching you on their computer screen, and grab your gun back from sim!Root, putting it to your temple. 

It's only going to put you through another simulation, you know, but you can't live this through again. You just can't see sim!John shake his head at you and relive sim!Root's death, even if you know it isn't  _real._

"Shaw!" Sim!Root screams, but Samaritan's too late.

You pull the trigger.

 

\---

 

**DAY 3.**

You wake up in safety for the very first time in a very, very long time - in your own bed, with Root lying beside you, some jazz tune playing softly on the bedside radio - 

_Jesus Christ. Again?_

This time, you don't even hesitate. The gun is on your bedside table. Click. Boom.

The darkness is always a comfort.

 

\---

 

**DAY 4.**

Safety, bed, Root, blah blah blah. You've half a mind to tell Greer to get a little more creative. You're just about to reach for your gun when your phone beeps. An incoming text. You're immediately on alert - this didn't happen in the previous simulations. What game are they playing? 

The phone beeps once more, insistent, and you scoop it up.

It's a text from an unknown number in all caps. 

>> ＤＯ ＮＯＴ ＳＨＯＯＴ.

>> ＴＵＲＮ ＯＮ ＴＶ.

Huh. Interesting. Well, what's the harm? You already know it's a simulation - why not get some entertainment before you shoot yourself in the head again? You slip out of bed without waking Root and pad into the living room, grabbing the remote and turning the set on. FOX Movies. Bill Murray trying to win Andie MacDowell over. It's Groundhog Day. Okay,  _seriously_ \- what is Greer's game here?

Another text comes in. 

>> ＳＡＶＥ ＨＥＲ.

>> ＡＮＡＬＯＧＵＥ ＩＮＴＥＲＦＡＣＥ.

_What?_

You glance back at Root, still sleeping. Your heart races - why would  _Samaritan_ call Root 'Analogue Interface'...? 

Unless.

Unless? 

Groundhog Day. You turn back to the TV, where Bill Murray's waking up for the nth time on February 2nd. You tighten your grip around your phone. 

No  _way._

Beep. 

>> ＳＡＶＥ ＨＥＲ.

"No  _fucking_ way," you say into the phone. Did Robot Overlord engender a fucking  _time loop_ so you could save Root's life or something? How did She even manage that? You always knew She was creepy as hell. 

Now what? You're stuck in this endless cycle of finding Root only to lose her again until you manage to figure out how to save her? 

You let the absurdity of it wash over you for a good five minutes before it really hits you.

\- Root died. 

\- She  _really_ died. It wasn't a simulation, this isn't Samaritan, you escaped. She died. 

\- But she isn't dead yet. Not really. Not in today's grander scheme of things. 

\- Which means.

\- Which means you can save her.

-  _Root doesn't need to die._

She doesn't send any more texts, but She doesn't need to.

You know what you need to do.

 

 

Or at least you think you do, but it's never easy for the good guys, is it?

Your plan is basically: don't try and save Finch by getting into a gunfight. Root looks at you like you've just grown two heads, her tone of voice incredulous. "You want to leave Harry to his inevitable death?" 

You're speechless. "No," you start, intending to finish with  _I want to save_ your  _life,_ but Root's already shaking her head. "Come on, Shaw - we  _have_ to go." 

So you do. 

And you still let her go, because you're an idiot and you're hoping, maybe, that this time it'll go differently.

It doesn't.

 

\---

 

**DAY 5.**

Safety, bed, Root. Today's new plan is: get Root to draw fire, run with Finch instead. 

"See you on the other side," she salutes to you as you run. 

You're barely five feet off when you see a sniper get her in the chest, and she goes down. 

It ends a lot faster this time, because you can do a lot of things, but you can't steer a car with your damn feet while sniping Samaritan agents pursuing you, so you and Finch both die in that shitty car. 

Well. There's always tomorrow.

 

\---

 

**DAY 6.**

Safety, bed, Root. Plan of the day: nobody stays to draw fire, all three of you get the hell out there and run. 

Blackwell still comes after you, Root still pulls some hero bullshit, and the only thing that changes this time is that you actually get to watch her die in front of you, get to hold her as she sips her final breaths and tells you to  _run, get out of here._

Finch doesn't get arrested this time. You make it back to the subway and Robot Overlord still takes Root's voice for Her own. 

"You're a dick," you say bluntly into a blinking security camera, and mean every word of it.

**\---**

 

**DAY 7.**

Fucking safety, fucking bed, fucking Root, you're so damn sick of the jazz tune you nearly grab the radio and hurl it across the room. 

Plan of the day: all of you stay, stand-off against Samaritan agents, nobody runs. 

It's a bad fucking plan - you realise that five seconds after a fucking  _torrent_ of operatives gun you all down. 

Moments before you hit the asphalt you wonder if John's got to relive this too, over and over. 

He's the only one who lives, after all.

 

\---

 

**DAY 10.**

All your plans fail, and when you wake up again, you take a moment to just  _think._

Okay, you're going about this wrong. All your plans centre around the gunfight itself that takes Root out. Obviously, that's not working. 

But if you could  _prevent_ the stand-off in its entirety... 

This time, you shake Root awake. "Get up. We gotta go to the safe house."

Root doesn't get it, but she trusts you. Finch doesn't. Root's still trying to convince him to get the hell out with Elias in tow when Samaritan attacks. 

 _For fuck's sake,_ you think, right before you die again.

 

\---

 

**DAY 14.**

This is  _worse_ than the simulations, because every day is real. It replays over and over and over again, but each time, it's actually happening. You're beginning to wake up with aches and pains in parts of your body that correspond to wherever you were wounded the day before. It's exhausting. 

Changing the outcome of the fight doesn't work. Safehouse doesn't, either. Time to try the high-rises - you gamble on the assumption that Finch'll be far more willing to trust you when he's already gotten a taste of the attack. 

You almost make it. This actually works out up to the point you pile into the getaway car. The driver's alive, this time. 

Too bad he's not on your side. 

God, you're really fucking sick of dying.

 

\---

 

**DAY 18.**

You try intervening at the getaway car.

Doesn't work.

 

\---

 

**DAY 20.**

You try intervening when Finch's taken to Greer.

Doesn't work either.

 

\---

 

**DAY 24.**

"Will you at least fucking tell me what it is you want me to do? Tell me how to save her. If you can  _create_ the damn time loop, tell me how to save her!" 

She is conspicuously silent. 

You haven't shot yourself in two weeks, but this time you do.

You're just so damn tired of this.

 

\---

 

**DAY 25.**

"Morning, sweetie." 

You roll over and go back to sleep and don't bother waking up. 

Maybe if you just don't intervene, everything will work itself out. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 26.**

It doesn't.

 

\---

 

**DAY 31.**

It's been a month compressed into the span of twenty-four hours but you feel like you've aged ten years. 

You've only gotten to hold her hand ten times. 

 

\---

 

**DAY ?**

The day you lose count, you start trying everything. You storm into the safe house and shoot Finch and Elias between the eyes. You shoot the getaway driver and slide into the seat yourself. You call John as backup. You call John as backup and then shoot him like you did in four thousand simulations. One day you just level your gun at everyone in sight and send them to their deaths. 

One thing stays constant - you never kill Root. 

7000 simulations couldn't make you. Neither will this.  

 

 

You start keeping score. You shoot John 21 times, Finch 43, Lionel 8, Greer 95, Blackwell 76, Elias 15, and you lose count when you get to yourself. 

Fucking hell, you didn't ask for this - you didn't ask to be Robot Overlord's fucking martyr, to try and save Root over and over and over and over and over and over and - 

it's not the 'trying to save her' bit that gets you.

It's the fact that you keep failing. 

 

 

You try and get her to stay. 

"This might be the first time I feel like I belong," Root says, and you kiss her - you lean in and grab her shirt and pull her close and kiss her like your world is ending, which it is, which it already has, a thousand fucking times over. 

If you're going to have to keep watching her bleed to death, you'll get your kicks where you can. 

 

 

You never manage to stop her from trying to save a life. 

You don't remember the Root you met at the very beginning being this self-sacrificial, and it makes you so irrationally  _angry._

You want her to be selfish, just this once.

You want her to be alive. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 67.**

She wakes you with a text message.

>> ＴＯＤＡＹ ＩＳ ＴＨＥ ６７ＴＨ ＤＡＹ.

Yeah, no fucking thanks for that. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 70.**

"Morning, sweetie."

You snap. "Root, you fucking asshole, I  _love_ you."

She looks so damn tender and surprised and happy, has actual fucking tears in her eyes when she responds. "I love you too, Sameen." 

She says all this, does all this, and she still dies for Finch, still takes the fucking bullet for him. 

This time you stand over her body in the morgue and you want to punch her.

"Not nearly enough," you growl, placing your hand over her open eyes and gently closing the lids. 

It's the first and last time you visit. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 72.**

It takes you seventy-two cycles to finally tell someone else that you're trapped reliving this shitty day with no end in sight. You leave Root at home, pound the pavement till you're at the safe house, and you tell Elias everything. You reckon Finch would trust him, because he has no reason to lie. 

Of course, he doesn't believe you.

It fucking figures. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 73.**

Straight to the source it is - you tell Finch, straight up. He blinks owlishly at you for a good ten minutes before hazarding a question. "This has happened -  _seventy-three times?"_

"Yeah, Harold, so unless you want Root to take a bullet for you again, let's get the hell out of here."

So this time he's in on it. This time he pushes her out of the way before she can die for him and he dies first. 

Only she screams his name, loses control, wrecks the car.

Maybe you should start keeping score of  _how_ she dies, too.

 

\---

 

**DAY 78.**

"John, you have to help me." 

"What is it?"

 

\---

 

**DAY 80.**

"Fusco, this is going to sound unbelievable, but hear me out..."

 

\---

 

**DAY 83.**

"Is it Bear? Is the key Bear? Do I have to fucking tell Bear? Is that it?"

It isn't. 

 

\---

 

**DAY 90.**

Nothing works. 

All you can think is that you weren't imprisoned by Samaritan for nine months to live through this shit.

 

\---

 

**DAY 92.**

"Morning, sweetie."

"Were you just trying to prove me wrong? I do the protecting, okay? I said it, and I meant it. _You_ don't get to pull the hero shit. You don't." 

"Sameen, I - I don't know what you're talking about."

"Just give it a couple of hours."

 

\---

 

**DAY 96.**

"Root, if this was your last day on Earth... what would you want to do?"

"You, probably," she answers with a wink, and you can't help but smirk. You take some comfort in the fact that she's well and truly Root till the very end. 

 

\---

 

**DAY ℝ.**

You start another scoreboard. You tell Elias 2 times, Finch 9, John 6, Lionel 3, some random stranger 1, and you don't know why it's taken you this long to realise you've told everyone, 

but you've never told Root.

 

 

"Morning, sweetie."

And this time, you do.

She believes you the first time around.

Was there ever any doubt?

On day 70 you told her you loved her to stop her leaving. 

You meant it. 

You still do. 

 

 

"I'm not going to let you die on me again."

She's not crying, but close enough.

"You watched me die a hundred times?"

"More than." 

7000 simulations could never compare to this. 

 

 

This time, you don't hold hands or talk about shapes. Root looks at you with steel in her gaze and sets her jaw. "There will be no more days, Sameen. I promise." 

You believe her.

 

 

Jeffrey Blackwell shoots.

Root shoots first. 

 

 

John gets off the phone for the twenty-third time.

He nods for the first. 

In your pocket, your phone buzzes. 

>> ＧＯＯＤＮＩＧＨＴ.

Not even a 'thank you'.

But you'll take what you can get.

 

\---

 

**TOMORROW.**

You wake up in your own bed. The radio's playing a bubblegum pop tune and Root isn't there because she's laid up in a hospital bed recovering from her wounds. 

She's alive.

So are you. 

A hundred days just never happened, and the world moves on. 

You pull on a jacket and leave the house.

 

 

You quickly intimidate the nurse on duty into letting you into Root's ward even before visiting hours begin. She's lying silent and still, but you easily tell she's awake as you settle down in the chair beside her.

"Hey, sweetie," she murmurs, and the relief floods your veins. "Hi."

There's comfortable silence, followed by a quiet sigh. "I had a bad dream..." 

More silence. "I died a hundred times." 

You stroke her hair out of her face. "It's okay," you say. "It was just a dream." 

She reaches out to take your hand.

This time, you don't let go. 

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: probably inaccurate canon-wise since i didn't watch 5x10 and have no intention of ever watching it. at this point, i only consider everything up to 5x09 canon anyway. person of interest is dead to me.
> 
> personal post-writing headcanons: the machine lies on 'day 67'. shaw lives through far more than a hundred loop cycles, but TM gives her a manageable, believable number to ground her and get her back on track. 'day 67' is probably more like day... 200 or 300? idk really.


End file.
